1. never try to make it work with a guy who can’t kiss. if the chemistry isn’t there… don’t try to make it work.
2. only ever send a text to someone if you’re completely okay if they don’t respond.
3. don’t be with someone who could let go of you so easily or that you could let go of easily with no feelings.
4. some people might think it’s rude to ask your current boyfriend a hypothetical question such as ‘if we were to have a child, would you molest and/or beat them?’ but i think it’s just being responsible.
5. if you ask your boyfriend if he might molest & beat the children you’ve yet to have… sure, he’ll say no… but isn’t that EXACTLY what a child molester beater WOULD say? i know! think about it.
6. there’s nothing more passive aggressive than the ‘chill’ text response.
7. always have a sexy bathing suit and a FAMILY APPROPRIATE bathing suit on hand.
8. you know it’s serious when you’ve only just started texting back and forth with a new guy you have a crush on and you guys already have a “load earlier messages”!
9. after a rendezvous, sometimes the other person won’t think it’s funny to make a joke like ‘do you think we both have aids now?’ – usually this is because said person has NO sense of humor, OR has AIDS, or both.
10. eye fucking isn’t cheating… is it?
