1. be inspired by the fact that Andrew WK is STILL partying?!
2. you know she’s not into you if she eats the bread when you take her out to dinner. either that or she’s just comfortable in her skin and hungry. but who wants to date THAT girl? i know!
3. instagram etiquette: don’t ‘like’ anything with over 300 ‘likes’. it’s way embarrassing! and if you even consider liking an image that already has THOUSANDS of likes… you’re a loser follower. come on! don’t do that to yourself!
4. always be sucking on a red lollipop. it’s even cooler than ordering a drink at a bar! just roll into a club or a party with a red lolly! it totally gives you an effortless, chic, above it all, can’t be bothered vibe. you know that vibe, right? i know! so cool! but try not to trip and choke on said pretentious lolly. #lolitasexy #subconscious conscious inadvertent sex appeal.
5. always be in the bathtub. metaphorically speaking. #stateofmind #wayoflife
6. los angeles etiquette: when in public, never EVER mention having seen someone in an acting class… ESPECIALLY if they’re with people. it’s the equivalent of punching them in the face and then making out with their mom… in front of them. #cringeworthy #awkward
7. pepper had its moment. but it’s over. it’s all about salt now. it’s ALWAYS been all about salt. sorry pepper.
8. when it comes to today’s youth, i think the goal is obvious and has always been clear: write a book that gets sold at urban outfitters.
9. remember: if you pick at the pimples on your head, hidden beneath your hair, and (god forbid) you ever go bald… you’re gonna have all these unnecessary, yucky pock marks on your noggin. PLUS you’ll be BALD! so don’t do it. you’re great!
10. girls: your good looks won’t last forever. for real! we’re all gonna age (if we’re lucky) and then we’re all gonna die! so figure out what you want for your life career wise NOW! the clock is ticking! develop a personality! be more than your looks! figure out what your contribution to the world during your time on this planet is going to be! and choose something that makes you happy!
